I’ve been dating awhile. I’m not saying I’m an expert, I’m also not knocking all men. Just this one.
After just one sip of my coffee, and five minutes of listening to this 29 year old douchebag I wanted to feign a heart attack, just so the lovely paramedics would save me from his bullshit and boasting.
Seeing as he was 29, I expected him to be mature; fail. I found him witty during our online messaging, but in person; fail.
We started talking about travel: usually a safe topic – not this time! Now I’m not one to judge what people do with their own money and life, but it’s the way he told me the stories (most of which I think to be total bullshit). His year round trip with his now ex girlfriend cost him $60,000. He told me; “I blew $60,000 drinking around the world.” Really? Should I be impressed? His first stop was Thailand where he “ditched” (his word) his girlfriend and went out drinking with a guy he’d met that day. Continuing with the travel topic he told me of his trip to the UK, apparently he doesn’t remember any of the countries as he was “drunk the whole time”. He even got pulled over in the UK for drink driving but the cops let him off. Yep, I totally believed that one too.
Next we talked of work, I was hoping this topic wouldn’t bring out his boasting and bullshit. I was wrong. Apparently he was promoted to second in charge of the whole company within a month of being there. This could be plausible, except that he’d already told me his boss had to save him from a DUI charge in his first week. Really? A DUI then shot to the top of the company in three weeks? Smells like bullshit to me.
I asked him what he was up to tonight, to change the topic, he then launched into a song and dance about how his friends have all headed off to Raro for a week, “I have friends like that, they just take off on holidays”. Cool. These friends also own like “13 boats” each. Yeah. But he told me not to worry (because I totally was!), he had some female friends – which he referred to as “skanks” – one of which has “slept with over 100 men”, who wanted to take him out partying tonight. I told him to be careful, she’s probably diseased. He laughed. I had my serious face on.
There was so much more boasting and bullshit, but if I keep going you’ll think I’m making it up!
By this point, when he finally asked me a question (because so far the conversation had been all him, him, him), “why, what are you doing tonight?” – I don’t normally have the balls, but he had enraged me so much and I really didn’t care what he thought that my reply was simple.
“Shaving my legs and watching Coronation Street repeats. I must be off now!”
I was up, he came near for a hug, I waved and walked off.